A place to put the blame...

I continue to pray for the NL-S community and for the family and friends of the most recent suicides, and then to all family and friends affected from past suicides.  These times bring up so many feelings and so many emotions of past tragedies. 

I have listened to a lot of conversations this week.  Many people are asking, "What is going on?"  and "How do we help?"  I have also heard, "The school has to step in now" and "I think it falls back on the parents."  After tragedies occur, we try to find a place to put the blame.  However, I don't believe we can put the blame on any one person, thing, event, family, facility, or organization.  "It takes a village to raise a child" and so we, as a community and surrounding communities, need to look at what we can do better.  When you point a finger, there are three more pointing back at you. 

If you are reading this, chances are you read my story of my life-long battle with depression.  When I hear the above statements, I sit and think, "What could've helped me?"  Was it the school?  Was it my church?  Was it my family?  I couldn't pinpoint any of those three.  As I stated in my story, my family took me to therapy, my dad was a pastor, my mom was a social worker, I took medications, I talked to a counselor, my parents asked me how I was doing/feeling.  But, what do all of those people do when the response they hear and see is a smile, laughter, and "I'm doing good"?  Remember, I said I kept everything a secret and I said everything that I felt my counselor and my parents wanted to hear me say.  Why?  Because I didn't want to deal with it.  Because I didn't want to "waste" my time talking to a counselor...(now this is the real problem that I see)...because if I went to a counselor and if I had to deal with it, THEN EVERYONE WOULD KNOW.  Everyone would know I was talking to a counselor and everyone would know that I had depression.  You see people, we don't talk about mental health issues openly in our community and society.  It is kept quiet.  It is kept a secret.  Why?  I don't know this answer, but this has to STOP.  I ask again, "What could've helped me?"  My answer is this...

To know that it was "ok" to have depression.  To know that I wasn't going to be judged by my friends, family, church members, and people in the community and in society.  Remember back to my story...I recently stopped taking my medications and seeing my counselor because it was a constant reminder that I had this illness.  It's not only from when I was in high-school...I still have felt this way.   

So what do we need to do?  We need to not judge.  We need to understand mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety that lead to suicides and how those illnesses affect the body.  We need to understand that just simply putting a smile on our faces may not make us feel better.  We need to be educated and we need to educate. 

Therefore, my fellow community members, pray for me (as I am working on some things now) and for others that are wanting to make a difference.  I have done a lot of praying and a lot of thinking this past week.  As I stated in my story, I survived TWO attempts to end my life...so I know HE isn't done with me yet.  And I am not going to stay quiet anymore about my illness and about my life.  Secrets are for those that have something bad to hide...and I don't have anything bad to hide.  I have a whole-lot-of information to spread, help to give, and support to share. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  Willmar has a mental health walk to raise awareness of mental health.  I will be walking in this and I invite you to come walk with me as we show the community that we have a lot to give!